I'm gonna be sick.

One: because I've been eating imported tortilla chips made by Doritos. They're mostly satisfying, but I've gotten chubby because of it. And because they're full of preservatives and coloring and things I don't want to think about.

Two: Watched some clips of "American Otakus" going to Tokyo. It got boingboinged, but here's the address anyway:
http://libationkowloon.blogspot.com/2006/05/tv-in-japan-otaku-from-usa.html
http://libationkowloon.blogspot.com/2006/05/otaku-from-usa-part-2.html

Some Japanese program followed them around. I still haven't decided what I think about the anime/manga freaks. If they keep it to themselves, that's okay, I think, but when they start integrating the vocabulary into their native conversations, I get edgy.

I think I get nauseous because growing up, I attached this notion that such people, deep down, wish they were Japanese. They take up some martial art, they study the language half-heartedly...or maybe I'm just remembering the creepy boys who used to ask me random vaguely oriental-oriented questions. But I digress.

I guess it's just the obsession with the exotic Other that gets to me. Am I being dated because he's got the Fetish? Etc etc etc etc.

It didn't help that the guy the video clips focused on was one of those doofy geek-types. Plenty of Japanese blunders. And he was chubby-ish, further reinforcing the notion that Americans are fat. The black guy with the dreds didn't get interviewed, although I think I heard him say "Alright, a maid cafe."

Some other guy bought a maid costume because his 15-year-old daughter was into...goth-lolis maybe? I don't know. But I'm glad it wasn't translated into Japanese. They just said that Americans had some strange omiyage.

And Three: The guy who translated the tv clips also recently got a Japanese passport, and Japanese citizenship. And I'll give him credit for going through it all, whatever his reasons are. He doesn't seem like your typical lifer, all boozy and illiterate, but he did have this to say:

Having citizenship also changes the attitudes of people around you. Foreign residents, no matter how long they stay, are always assumed to be guests, and are thus constantly subjected to less than welcoming questions such as "when are you leaving Japan?" and "can you eat Japanese fish?" Being a citizen is really the ultimate nullifying answer to all these questions, and it allows people to open themselves up a little more as it gives you an air of permanence. There are a lot of other minor perks like this too, which I'm sure I'll find out about once I'm accepted.

(It gets quite ranty here, just to warn you.)

Uhm. Uhm, no. Perhaps in his country--he's from the UK somewhere--but I'm pretty sure that he won't be joining the "Japanese Citizens' Club" any time soon. He'll gain the respect from close friends that know what he did and why he did it, but for your typical old man on the street, he's still Mr. Gaijin. How do I know this? I used to get ranted to about how irritating it was that the cashier would always try to speak English even when asked a question in flawless, properly polite language. It's obvious that I'm Japanese-proficient, was the thought, why am I still being treated like a giant pale retard? [ahem, my words, not theirs] And the answer is, because they don't know that. You can't SEE fluency when you're walking down the street. Just like you can't tell what nationality someone is. This guy is going to keep getting "Oh, you're so good at using chopsticks!" but now, he'll be able to rub in his Japanese authenticity even more.

And yes, I do feel bad ranting about this guy. I'm sure he's not a bad guy. He doesn't post pictures of his pornographic doll collection (well, for the record, he doesn't give access to his archives unless they're linked), he doesn't seem to act too elitist. (Minus points, however, for ranting about "What exactly is a Japanese fish?" in broken mouseover, that I've removed. "Japanese fish" is probably an overtranslation of something.) But being a proper citizen won't change another's initial impression until you intentionally drag it into the conversation.

On the flip side: my damn kids still think I'm Japanese. At the elementary school, I wear a name tag (like all the other teachers do), and my name is written out in katakana. (Annoying, but forgiveable--no one asked me before I got here, and every. last. damn. thing. is done in katakana.) I have two Japanese names, middle and last, just like almost everyone else of my generation and ethnic makeup. They ask me where I'm from and are always always always impressed when I tell them America. And at the same time that they're thinking I'm Japanese, they're all, "Holy cow! You can eat sashimi! Holy cow! You can eat natto!" (Although I will smugly say that some Japanese people don't like natto.) Ugh, I'm pretty sure I contradicted myself a few times, but mostly that was to illustrate that JAPANESE PEOPLE AREN'T ALWAYS THAT OBSERVANT PAYING ATTENTION. That's what happens when you've grown up in a homogenous society: your brain makes shortcuts.

Last example: One of my teachers that met my parents and my maternal grandparents HAS THOUGHT THAT MY FATHER WAS "AMERICAN." I don't know if she thought he was white, or just "Not Japanese" but she has thought this for...almost two years. I gave her the rude incredulous look because she deserved it. MY FAMILY NAME IS JAPANESE. And she's not one of those stupid people, I'm pretty sure. Just not observant.

Annnd I'm spent.