8am at the optometrist's.

I love my optometrist. He's still the only one I've visited, mostly because I was still covered by my parents until I left for Japan. (Oh dependent student status, you were so good to me.) I still remember the opticians by name, the JA woman who always talks about her daughters and how wonderful they are, and the other woman with the little bitty dogs. Err, they're less obnoxious than they sound. I promise.

So this morning I had my eyes checked, and I was about to stick my face on the...uhm...eye thing with all the dials for changing the lenses...fine, an optical refractor. A phoropter. This thing:

(Except a lot more beige and friendly looking.)

So I lean in, and even without my glasses on, I notice a greasy smear of foundation where you rest your cheek. (There was some mascara too.) I point it out to my optometrist, and he apologizes. The woman who usually takes care of that is out sick...it was probably one of the last patients yesterday...you never know what you can get these days, with our insecure borders...some people have tuberculosis and they keep crossing the border anyway and sometimes they haven't finished treatment and they're all over the place...in our schools and it's terrible, those insecure borders.

Like whoa. Like whoa. It was surreal, like having that sort of conversation with family. And yes, I've got family members like that too. My sister and I cynically decided that's what happens when you get old. You get racist. It's like getting a bad rash, it makes you all sorts of illogical and crazy. And yeah, I understand the whole mental crystallization thing, how it's harder to adapt when you get older...but still. Not exactly shocking, but still jarring. I've been seeing this guy (and his wife, also an optometrist) for...over twenty years. They still have this ratty, dusty clown on a swing up in the corner.

This is turning into a nostalgia post, so I'll save that for later. Just wanted to share my morning.

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Briefly back on the wagon.

And I made chocolate mousse tonight! It tasted...exactly like it came from a Kitchenaid manual-slash-recipe book. (Which it did.) Think like the nougat from a 3 Musketeers bar, but chocolaty. Yeah. Sad. But I got to try the hand blender out (it's huge!) and I didn't have to separate eggs, so yay me. Someday I'll try real chocolate mousse. Someday.

Riiight. I bought a hand blender because it was super on sale. Sue me. Once I started comparing kitchen appliances to shoes, I got all spendy. I mean, I'm willing to drop money on shoes, but I balk at kitchen items? Where's the logic in that? Yes, the hand blender is way frivolous, but so were those silver boots I love so much but have only worn once. And that blender was way cheaper than the silver boots.

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It was bound to happen eventually.

Charlie from Ugly Betty is also Charlie from Heroes. Oh, and her name is Jayma Mays, but that's not the important part.

You think I would've picked up on that.

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Pain has never been so interesting.

"The Schmidt Sting Pain Index [wikipedia link, via boingboing] or The Justin O. Schmidt Pain Index is a scale rating the relative pain caused by different Hymenopteran stings. It is mainly the work of Justin O. Schmidt, an entomologist for whom the index is named."

Not only is it informative, it's well-written. Here, have a taste:
1.0 Sweat bee: Light, ephemeral, almost fruity. A tiny spark has singed a single hair on your arm.
1.2 Fire ant: Sharp, sudden, mildly alarming. Like walking across a shag carpet & reaching for the light switch.

This post is dedicated to O, who will probably be stung by most of this list, if he hasn't been already. It is also dedicated to him because he's probably not doing much right now. Good luck with the ACL recovery, buddy.

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Eerie.

[Warning: this is the closest I'll ever get to geeking out over something tech-like.]

So I found this great Firefox extension that lets you block ads. (Link to Lifehacker post.) Goodbye flashing ads, goodbye talking smiley faces. But once they were gone, it started to creep me out. Like being at work and suddenly, no one's around. (In Japan, for the non-JETs, this is usually a big Oh Shit moment when you try to figure out if there's an assembly in the gym that you should be at, or if it's a training session that you are mercifully left out of.) I'm sure tomorrow I'll forget I even added the blocker, but right now, it's strangely silent on the web.

Eeriness aside, if you're using Firefox, and you're willing to figure out how it all works, adblock is a great way to go. (Link to developer's site.) It's not automatic, you have to pick out the names of files you want to block, but that means complete control. And you guyses know that's perfect for me.

I'll post screen shots of the difference later.

(There's a few other good extensions, like Down Them All, a better download manager and Foxmarks, a way to automatically backup your bookmarks for the day when your computer eventually crashes.)

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Pat yourselves on the back.

I would like to thank those of you who write/blog for being thoughtful, expressive writers who are witty and observant, grammatically correct, and judgmental only in fits of well-justified rage.

In other words, I've met some blogs over the years that I can't stand, and just like scabs I want to pick, there just isn't enough time in my life to obsess about them.

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If I were a conniving little weasel...

...I would cut off the proof of purchase stickers for the three mixers I've received and send them in for three $30 rebates and six magazine subscriptions. (It'd be three copies each of two magazines, but hey, I've got friends!) All it takes is the proof of purchase and a dated packing slip. Man. But I'm all for respecting karma, so I'll just send in the final one. So long as it arrives by March 31st. If it doesn't arrive in time, I'm totally using one of the old ones to get the rebate in time.

And yep, I think it's about time I added a new label. (See end of post.)

Ohhhhh, and the itchy fingers bought some nice measuring spoons and measuring cups. (Not me! The itchy fingers!) The guilt is pretty bad, but I'll need them eventually! And I went through two sets in college, mostly because I was fond of using the tablespoon for scooping cookie dough. So now, no more paint scraping off! No more rubbed off measurement labels! I'll...buy a melon baller for scooping cookie dough...[updated 3.19: "melon ballers for cookies" are called dishers, and they come in a bunch of different sizes. Another gadget! I'm screwed.] And it's not like I bought the All-Clad ones that are "inspired by their classic sauce pan". Or the ones made to look like normal spoons, as humbly appealing as they are.

For those of you who appreciate how absurd I am, the UPS guy will be coming at least four times in the next week...probably more like six times. He's already been here at least ten times. Blame the mixers. And the itchy fingers.

Look! Shiny!

And shinier! (= more expensive!)

Not as shiny, but I bet I would accidentally use one for cereal.

I also bet I would try to use the 1/2 teaspoon when I ran out of clean spoons.

[Update #2: I am a clever monkey! I bought the spoons just in time! One day later, Amazon is sold out and it'll take 4-6 weeks to restock. The only other retailer sells the set for an additional $4 PLUS $10 for shipping. Yay for me!]

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It pays to be a pack rat.

Today was like Christmas! My dad remembered a bunch of extra kitchen stuff in the den--castoffs from my grandmother when she moved to a smaller house, and from my aunt who left stuff here after she moved--and hauled it out for me. Three boxes! The first box wasn't that exciting...a Laurel Birch mug, (link to image search, you'll know it when you see it), some unappealing stemware, and a box for a sauce pan that contained a couple glasses and a dolphin paperweight that I used to be fascinated by as a child. I might take that.

Boxes 2 and 3 made up for the first box. Pyrex bakeware! A pizza pan! A lead crystal serving bowl! I won't list it all, but much more useful than, say barbecue tongs. Although I do see the merit in keeping those for later. Hmm. Anyway.

All the stuff that should've gone with me to college (well, not the lead crystal) but ended up forgotten in a corner of the den. All the things that should've gone to my sister had she not inherited all of my college stuff. Lucky me! My embarrassingly long list of kitchen supplies has been cut down, and I can feel a little less guilty about buying a giant stand mixer and an immersion blender before getting practical things like, oh, plates and cups. Plates and cups have a better chance of breaking in a big move! Ha. I just came up with that justification.

So yay for saving things! I just know there's more (from where I'm sitting I can see a juice pitcher and tumbler set and more tupperware), but this is a good start. Also, I feel a little bad pawing through my parents' stuff, even if they've never used it.

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Number Three is ALSO going back.

It has as an even bigger patch of missing paint. Like someone smeared it while the paint was still setting.

I wonder how long it's going to take before I get a flawless mixer? I feel a little guilty, because that's another trip for the UPS guy, but I wouldn't stand for a shirt with a hole in it, no matter how small. Yes, it's a cosmetic flaw, and I wouldn't be surprised if I someday chipped a little paint off myself. Yet I'm not going to settle for a $250 piece of equipment that's been "broken in" for me.

::sigh::

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Recockulous.

Mixer #2 is going back because there's a chip in the paint, the size of half of a pencil eraser. There's a chance it'll rust, so the customer service rep didn't want to take any chances. (I even asked if I could keep it once I realized she wanted to send me a new one. I'm going to be really sad if I get downgraded...)

It's a great mixer, works fine. But the time line is getting ridiculous:

2.11 ordered the mixer
2.14 mixer arrived with a nicked electrical cord and a scraped paddle
3.06 mixer #2 arrives with a defective whisk.
3.07 mixer loses paint
3.08 customer service says it's going back.

I should've kept my mouth shut.

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Adventures in Online Shopping

Yesterday I got my package from JCrew. I splurged on final sale scarves. Too bad one came in black instead of the bright blue I wanted, and it's vanished from all retail stores "from Boston to Los Angeles." I think I'll keep it, because it was $15 and I'm too lazy to go to a real store to see if I prefer "heather latte," "heather silver," or "muslin." At least it's not a terrible color, and it's wasn't something I was really attached to in the first place. I'm just a sucker for a $15 scarf.

So that's my JCrew story. Today's story is more exciting.

Today the UPS guy came again (poor guy, that's the fifth time in a month) with my replacement mixer. Hooray! It even came in a pretty box with all the features printed on the sides. (The first mixer came in a regular cardboard box.) And I opened it! And it's...the wrong color. Crap, I thought. Two days in a row. At least it's not white. It's this pearly greenish color.

Which only is available on the pro 600 mixers, the top consumer model at the moment.

And then it sank in, I got an upgrade! For free! Should I tell them? It's on the invoice, so that means they know what happened, right? After I set up the new mixer and checked for flaws (none! except that one of the wires on the whisk was detached--I'll just swap that with the old one), I wondered if I should report the error. That's a $100 difference on amazon. I finally decided to be a terrible, opportunistic person and keep the new one.

Then my mother came home, read the invoice, and noticed this lovely line that I overlooked:
DO NOT TRW NO PRODUCT LEFT.

And that, according to me, means that they didn't have any more pistachio 450 watt mixers. Instead of trying to give me a different color (or maybe because they were completely out of that model), they gave me the closest color in a 600 watt mixer. Hooray! Hooray for KitchenAid customer service! And absolutely, hooray for dumb luck.

I'm going to break it in tomorrow with that molasses cookie recipe. Hopefully nothing explodes on the initial run. But still, yay for happy endings!

They're multiplying.
(I didn't like the pearly finish at first, or the darker color, but I think I can get used to it.)

And here's your bonus for reading my second obsessive kitchenaid post! Say hello to Waffles, my sister's new puppy.

Like Pepper (the family dog), but smaller and dare I say it, smarter.
And itty-bitty! More later.

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Another name mix-up.

Although to my own credit, I had a vague idea about who was who, but I also used to think they were the same person.

Mel Tormé was a jazz singer. He composed the music for The Christmas Song. His awesome nickname is The Velvet Fog. I can't name any song he's famous for, but I do remember that he was on Night Court.

Mel Blanc was a voice actor. He was the guy who did Porky Pig as we know him. (There's been a few others.) His awesome nickname is The Man of a Thousand Voices. I had no idea what he looked like until I looked him up on wikipedia.

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