Gawddammit, not again.

I think I just hawked up a piece of my brain. Even I was appalled by it.

Gawddammit I don't want to get sick again.

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PAWS.

PAWS. Damn if I remember what it stands for, I just know I loved that program. Remember? The typing program? The silly orange cat, a as at ask asp asks...I could hammer away on a clackity IIe for hours. I don't remember playing it that often (how could a kid from San Diego resist Carmen Sandiego?), but I remember being pretty good at it.

Next memory: growing up, I had a clunky plastic typewriter. It was blue. I rarely used it, but it was neat. I don't remember actually doing it, but I have this strange feeling that I wanted to take it apart. I'm sure I did. It was all caps. I didn't realize that wasn't normal until I used a typewriter in the library job. The library typewriter was electric, and that combined with both cases just blew my mind. It scared me at first, after years of doing everything on a computer. Clackity clackity. I grew to love it, even though I never mastered how to center a title.

All this comes up because one lazy morning, G asks me if I know how to touch type, or whatever newfangled word he used for it. All I remember (terminology-wise) is something about home keys, and always being shit at reaching the period with the proper finger. (I remember the cat would get angry if I didn't press the key in time, so I would just use a different finger.) I was a little incredulous, a little offended (to me, people that hunt and peck are inferior) but then again, he's never seen me do much more than check my mail. Always the same position--left hand holding up head, right hand picking out the letters in my addresses. I guess he's never seen me write email. ::shrug::

Funny, the things we still don't know about each other.

(And to salve my pride just a little, I checked a few typing tests online. About 60 WPM, averaged over three tests. That makes me feel better.)

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Definitely me.

I remember on the morning of high school graduation, it was absolutely essential that I put nail polish on. I'm sure it was something unnecessary, like clear. After the whole thing was over, after we rushed from our seats to stand with best friends to sing the alma mater one more time, I went to Olive Garden with my family. The guy who I had kind of dated (but had long since gotten over me) was there with his family as well. I don't remember how I felt, if it was embarassment or rage or irritation. I remember his mom was nice though. She liked me.

I am one of those lucky people that loves my high school friends fiercely. But high school life itself wasn't the high point of my life. I'm grateful for that, too.

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I don't care.

I'm a sucker for silly personality tests.

Televangelist
You are 14% Rational, 85% Extroverted
28% Brutal, and 57% Arrogant.

As the Lord as my witness, I swear upon the good book that you are indeed the TELEVANGELIST! Characterized by extreme arrogance, self-assurance, and extroversion, you would make a very charismatic leader (or a very despotic one). On top of that, you are also more intuitive than rational, predisposing you to a more spiritual or emotional outlook on life. Thus, you are thoroughly irrational. You also tend to be rather gentle and considerate of others' feelings. Clearly, you would make the perfect televangelist. You could easily fleece people of their money and their dignity like so many sheep. Emotional, extroverted, arrogant, and gentle, you annoy the hell out of people who have to listen to the feel-good, intuitive shit spewing from your mouth. Not only that, but people may look down on you as a self-centered asshat. So while you are gentle and genuinely care about others, it is quite clear that you still care about yourself MORE. Why is your personality flawed? Because you are too damned extroverted, emotional, and arrogant. So preach your irrational message, brotha-man! I assure you, no one will be listening. Except for a few bums. But they just want you to feed them crackers and wine.

To put it less negatively:

1. You are more INTUITIVE than rational.

2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted.

3. You are more GENTLE than brutal.

4. You are more ARROGANT than humble.

Compatibility:
Your exact opposite is the Spiteful Loner.

Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Hippie, the Starving Artist, and the Robot.

Let's Enjoy the Personality Defects Test Game.

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If it's not one thing...

So the internet addiction has been (temporarily?) replaced by a book addiction. (Rather, I have revived my book addiction--I used to read books as though anticipating crisp $20s tucked between each page.) I just finished Wicked, which I've been meaning to read since a coworker coveted it like the holy grail. (A college library coworker, who waited for it to be returned to the library for weeks.) Last week I blew through The Cider House Rules, and it gave me a monster of a headache. Good stuff, but I read A Prayer for Owen Meany first and for some reason expected the stories to flow similarly. Oh well. Doesn't hold a candle to Margaret Atwood novels, that's for sure.

My elementary students were impressed that I was reading a book in English (duh kids, come on now). I'm pretty sure they still think I'm Japanese, albeit a retarded one.

After I finished Wicked, I remembered that it was made into a musical, and I don't like the clips I heard on amazon. The cast looked impressive, but the voices lacked the depth I found in the book. Poorly chosen clips, I suppose. Oh well.

And also, because I haven't quite figured out what I think of it, I also skimmed through the amazon.com reviews for the book, to see how I would react. This one was my favorite by far:

[1 star of 5]
Wickedly evil book, kelleypen (from UT) February 14, 2006
This book intrigues me--I really like the whole twisting the Wizard into an evil despot and Elphaba into an Animal rights activist. There were certainly parts that were well worth reading. But the plot is disjointed and has too much just hanging there. I HATED the whole Philosophy Club part. I'd never read bestiality before, nor did I intend to, and there it was. How did it further the plot? Why was it even in there? How did Elphaba know to tell Glinda not to go in there? And what was it about the whole Ama funeral followed by the men's trip to the Philosophy Club that made Elphaba decide that she needed to go there and then to see the Wizard? And why did the result of that interview convince her to leave school? I just didn't get it. The connections weren't there for me. I feel guilty for having read the whole of it. I don't want my copy of the book any more, but I'm ashamed to give it to any one I care about.

Oh dear. So yes, there's a mention of sex here and there, and some kid is tied to a tiger while in a drug-induced haze (oops, now you'll never read it), and he's never the same again, but really. No graphic descriptions, no talk of body parts. (I'd like give her Vernon God Little and see if she can get past page 70.) But then again, who expects sex in a reworking of a classic fairy tale? I didn't.

Wait, I found one more review!

[1 star of 5] Zzzz...., February 8, 2006

Reviewer:

Dee "Dee" (NJ) - See all my reviews

This book, is a book I head so much about and that it was so good you have to read it. Plus, I live 35 minutes away from the city, so everybody around here is telling me that the play is fantastic. WELL, I think the book sucked, and there is no way I'm going to go to see that play. The book drags on and on and on, and every time it starts to get interesting, it comes to an abrupt halt, and you zoom past like 5 years of Elphaba's life, to something leaving you confused. This book, is not a big deal at all. It reminded me of those books teachers would require students to read in high school, its boring, and dumb. I felt like beating myself with this book, it was so stupid.

Oh the seething indignity of it all! I really hope this is a review by a world-weary high school student, rather than a college student griping about high school required reading. I'm not even going to consider that a real live adult wrote this review.

Overall, I thought Wicked was a nice diversion, but not intriguing enough to really devote myself to the story. Touching characters, interesting story. Although, considering I read it in...well, maybe a day and a half, perhaps I'm not giving it enough credit. Meh. The Time Traveler's Wife is next. And yes, I totally snagged it because the yeti reviewed it. I would've gotten Anansi Boys, because it looked promising, and I remember seeing L lug it around, but it wasn't on amazon.jp in soft cover yet. Guess I'll have to borrow it.

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On Beans

I really like baked beans. Well, to be totally honest, I really like baked beans from a can, with the shrivelled bit of bacon suspended somewhere in the middle and a few extra tablespoons of brown sugar to make it even better. Left alone, a perfectly acceptable dinner would be hot dogs (sliced, no bun) and baked beans. Vegetables if I remembered them. British beans (whatever it is they give you at breakfast for...your toast?) come in at a pretty decent second. No, third, because I can't abandon my refried beans.

That being said, I'm going to miss natto. I remember getting it in LA for that sushi competition, so I'm not concerned that I'll never see it again, but I'm going to miss the variety here. I've found my favorite (large beans, non-offensive odor--really!), and I know it'll be one of the many things I'll crave when I go home.

Yesterday I had dinner (nabe) at a vegan's house. Said Vegan is pretty awesome because he invites me (through G) quite often, even though we never reciprocate and host anything ourselves. And it made me even more aware that I don't need to have meat at dinner. I was sated, and the closest thing I ate to meat was probably a potato. Or a mushroom. No point to that, I just wanted to remind myself that food doesn't always mean meat.

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Valentine's Day?

Dammit, that's coming up.

My sister has a pretty good post up about what Valentine's Day was about in our family. Me, my favorite memories were from junior high school. When the hormones made us all run amok.

Every year, some group sells flowers that can be delivered during class. I don't remember getting one, but that could be my crap memory. And I don't even think we were selling roses. We sold carnations. And a boy picked up a broken one and gave it to me. A really sweet gesture, even though we had already flirted and moved on months before. I saw him again years later. He was working at Denny's and I was absolutely floored.

Another time in high school, there was a boy and we wrote on each other's lockers. I think he drew a rose on mine. That one went absolutely nowhere, but I still had fun. No clue what happened to that one, even though our colleges were pretty close to each other.

Now, I'm going shopping for a real Valentine's gift for my very real boyfriend. Shh. Don't tell.

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I want.

I want fake buttery croissants, like the ones that come out of a Pillsbury can. I want pizza, I want tomato soup, I want a grilled cheese sandwich. I came home yesterday to my cold apartment, and I could almost smell a grilled cheese sandwich.

Yep, I'm definitely getting better, but a 3am fit of coughing might mean one more day at home. I went to work yesterday to finish up a game I was going to do yesterday (cancelled out of concern from the teacher) and then took the rest of the day off. No classes? Why should I be there?

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Insight

on where I come from:

"There is science, logic, reason; there is thought verified by experience. And then there is California." (Edward Abbey)

Ganked from The Writer's Almanac, a new distraction of mine.

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A Comparison

Productivity is:

• buying a book that will help me focus on making career choices without intimidating the living shit out of me.
• emailing an old friend because some random guy mentioned having an eye twitch on his blog.

Productivity is NOT:

• inspecting the color of my phlegm which is pooling in my trash can.
• considering what color to paint my toenails.

Productivity can possibly be:

• flossing after a few days of eating nothing but starches and meds.
• wading through amazon.com for books that I want to donate to my schools.

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Happy Happy Happy.

Just watched Billy Elliot. For the first time. It came out in 2000, meaning that I could've watched it ages ago. I even have a copy. But I was lazy, and now I can't remember any of the hype or the criticism. The only downside is that the closing credits' songs were painfully Year 2000 and terribly jarring after the last scene. Otherwise, a really swell movie. I should get back on the mainstream entertainment wagon.

PS to the home people: I'm sure it's just me, but the actor who played Billy (Jamie Bell) looked like David T, one of those Mexican Jews. Or maybe that's because I remember what David looked like when he was 8. Hmm. Slightly. And only when Jamie Bell isn't smiling. Great comparison. I give up, I'm still sick.

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Home food.

As skeptical as I was, I must admit that tuna melts are pretty damn delicious, even with Japanese tuna on Japanese bread with "pizza mixed cheese" all gooey and melty in the middle.

Yesterday's meals: pancakes and tuna melt. My stomach didn't know what to do with all that food, so it shut my brain down.

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And my socks have butterflies and hearts on them.

Kids hijacked me again. I escaped after only 15 minutes. Take that, 11-year-olds! But then a few of them followed me to my car. Not funny kids. When I leave, I want to leave, dammit.

Rarely discussed fact o' mine: I have no standard whatsoever for meals. Being with G has made me a bit more well-balanced, but when I'm at home, I eat when I can't stand being hungry anymore. Because I'm never home, I have a ridiculous amount of instant packaged foods (microwave popcorn, easy mac, curry that I bought when I got here and still refuse to eat or throw out) to choose from. And yet what did I have for "dinner?"

A twix bar, a reese's cup, a pack of saltines, two hard-boiled eggs, and here's the clincher--cold hot chocolate. Yep, too lazy to even microwave water.

Okay, so this is a slight exaggeration. I rarely eat real dinners because school lunch is so filling (but not as much as it used to be, damn city!), and I really wanted chocolate milk.

Hooray mundane life! Hooray no school for two days (replaced by moderately helpful seminar)!

[edit: And even those they're warm and comfy, I hate these socks by the way. Thanks Mom.]

[edit #2: And then I saw a blog with this gem:

"Pickles + peanut butter = yummy dinner."

Ew. Man. I take it back. I do have standards.]

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My kids sure are neat.

Today four elementary school girls hijacked* me after school for 30 minutes so they could show me their jump roping skills, dance around, and tell me that I might be chubby, but their teacher is definitely chubby. They opened my backpack, took things out of my coat pockets, and continued to harass me even when a mom showed up. I'm tired, I have shit to do, and yet I found it all supremely entertaining.

For the record, they (accidentally) dropped my electronic dictionary (cased), and were more interested in the gum wrappers in my pocket than my nano or my brand new cell phone. Kids, I tell you.


*This was the good kind of hijack, not the kind where they smack me and actually take things from my backpack and then run away screaming honest-to-goodness jibberish, which normally only happens during school.

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Curse this Weather.

Even though I'm doing pretty good thus far (oh kotatsu, I'm so glad I finally bought you), the weather is still nasty. It's supposed to rain all week. Cold, sniveling rain. I find myself reading blogs to make sure my friends are still alive. And for a few of them, it's a legitimate concern.

Today I stayed at work late because I was writing a note for the graduation book. Not the album, but the memory book. I asked about buying an album, because it'd be a neat souvenir and this is by far, my favorite year of students. Too bad the damn thing costs about $70-80. What was worse was that I was prepared for it.

I bought a bag of Vietnamese coffee for my staff rooms, but I'm afraid it's going to be absolute shit. Hmph.

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News in Japan

All the snow dumps are filling up. Kids can't go to school. Vegetables are getting more expensive (cabbage up 54%!!!). Thanks NHK news. I'd rather see Mt. Fuji erupt, even though the Daily Mainichi is supposedly an even bigger joke than NHK.

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Cutting Back.

I am trying (again) to spend less time on the internet. I am addicted to the internet in the same way some people reach for a cigarette--blindly, as a sedating answer to every single question out there.

I remember in some class that I bullshitted my way through that a good way to help fulfill your goals is by making them public. I can't remember why it matters, but to me, it makes it more real, and it makes me less likely to stick in loopholes. So here I am.

I've also been reviewing my surfing habits, ignoring fark and leaving boingboing until last. I usually hit the BBC news third (after my sister's blog and another blog) to see if anything's blown up while I was asleep. And that's not even the cynical answer.

I will not surf in the mornings. My computer will remain off unless I need to research something specific, like Cambodia or colleges for my teacher's friend's daughter. So far I'm 4 for 4, 2 of 4 for not even turning on my computer at all.

I will not turn on my computer after school for one hour. Instead I will putter or throw away more crap in my apartment (like today, where I think I found my car tax sheet, which was due in May...).

If I can do this for a month, starting in January, I think I can be okay. That's how I kicked my solitaire habit.

Mock me all you want, but I've never been an exciting person. Hangnails are catastrophic. I agonize over light bulbs. I just want to be a bit more normal in my internetting habits.

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Let Me Whine.

I don't like the music on my computer, because it's all newish stuff I've downloaded in the past two years. Three Chicane albums? Bluegrass Green Day covers? What was I thinking? Oh bittorrent, you're such an irresistible siren.

To be fair, I have found some really great stuff, like a lovely cover of Prince's Kiss. Snagged it from some music blog, and although the description was witty and clever, all I can think of when I hear that song is a bunch of gyrating leather daddies, like our good friend Hard Gay. It's a fantastic song.

Also, it sometimes bothers me that I don't know all the words to the songs on my computer. At times, I find myself getting really bored listening to music I can't sing along to. My solution? Burn an mp3 CD and play it in my car (on my ghetto ghetto speakers) until I learn at least a few of them. Right now, unfortunately, I'm at that point where I spend more time scanning for the songs I like (muttering "Asshole music, asshole music...more asshole music..." as I search) rather than singing along. Meh. I wonder how much this will change once I get a damn iPod. I'll do it soon, I swear.

Oh yeah, and they caught the guy who killed that other guy. He's "crazy" and bought the murder weapon (a kitchen knife) at the 100yen store. Apparently it was random. Gee, now I can sleep easy again.

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Kaela 4You

So this student wanted to borrow my Nightmare Before Christmas DVD, and I said sure. But why don't you bring me one in exchange? Ingenious. So he brought me a concert of one of his favorite singers, Kaela Kimura.

Check me out, I'm gonna do a DVD review. Blow by blow.

Somewhere around the 4 minute mark, the show actually started. And she's terrible. My ear isn't the best, but she pushes her top range and dips flat for the low notes. At the 8 minute mark, not much has changed, except you can hear the strain in her voice.

She's wearing a tie dye-ish shirt. There's shirtless guy with a mohawk on guitar, and I just saw a guy go crowdsurfing. So that makes her...punk? Well she's wearing sneakers, so probably.

Hmm, it seems this isn't a concert as much as highlights from her 2005 tour. Gee, track 2 equally meh. The chorus seems to be mostly la la la la la. I think I'm glad I don't understand the lyrics, I might be more disappointed.

21:37 Hmm, I think she's singing in English. She's cute enough, but not a strong enough singer. Damn the greedy assholes that signed her even though she's kind of lame. I wonder what she sounds like after a studio session.

In other news, my $10 pants say that I can dry clean them, if I feel so inclined. Hmm, dry cleaning will cost about half as much as the pants did. NOPE.

I'm considering st....

[12.12 update: After falling asleep on two separate evenings with the lights on and the DVD blaring, I finally finished the damn thing. And no, it's not worth reviewing. The End.]

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Dammit, this is not LA.

Today the elementary school principal called a staff meeting between 5th and 6th period. I tried my hardest to catch every word I could. It didn't seem like they were going to send the students home early due to weather--it wasn't raining by then. I caught something about my grocery store and this really awesome tonkatsu restaurant. They're about 10 minutes away from my house by bike, and that's being generous. Unlike most staff meetings, everyone was looking at the principal, opposed to grading papers or nodding off.

Turns out a man was murdered there, perhaps during 5th period--in the 1:45-2:45 range. He was 28, from Kochi, and worked at the parking lot near the airport. The guy who did it wasn't caught. The kids weren't being sent home early, but all after school activities were cancelled. I even think the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd graders were driven home.

It's a bit eerie, that someone was murdered so close to my town. On the news, there was a chalk outline on the asphalt, and a faint spatter of blood on a car fender.

Back home-home, the biggest thing that happened in the neighborhood was a dead guy found in a trunk, or a really big drug bust. And this is semi-inaka Japan! The worst thing that happens here concerns kids breaking bones and forgetting aprons at home. Mendable things. After the announcement, I finally got around to laminating some old teaching materials, because I felt like I had to do something productive instead of thinking about this guy I don't even know. Interesting that I thought more about the murderer and how he used to be a kid in a school like mine. I guess it's because I worry about the random kids that don't fit in here, too.

I am rather irritated that I don't really want to go near the area. The guy should be long gone by now, or at least laying low. I want vegetables, I want to drop off my dry cleaning. But I think finding out in the elementary school staff room made me a lot more sensitive to the potential dangers.

I guess today will be laundry day.

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